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From there, they believe, the sky is the limit: “elevated” sex can lead to better mental and physical health, and even a better career.Īfter all, it’s what happened to them. As they tell their listeners, their relationship started out “hot and heavy”, before “the sex died”, says Haynes.
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But rather than “living out the rest of our days like that”, they decided to invest in their sex life. It became a project that they worked on together, drawing influences from yoga and books on everything from diet and anatomy to politics and memoir.
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It isn’t a podcast to listen to in public. You hear them pant, moan and direct each other to orgasm The project eventually transformed their relationship and led them to start their own business, which offers private coaching, online courses and even retreats. Haynes focuses on women – and extends their relationship work to include pregnancy – while Talbot takes care of the men. They do it all from their idyllic home in Sussex, while juggling the parenting of their two home-schooled children. Their work couldn’t have come at a better time. Despite living in an age of hypersexualisation, with more Britons tuning in to Pornhub than BBC News, people across all demographics are having less sex than 10 years earlier, according to a 2019 survey published in the British Medical Journal, which also found that couples and over-25s are seeing the biggest decline. According to Relate, 29% of couples regard their relationships as “sexless” – and half of women and nearly two-thirds of men in the BMJ survey said they wanted to have more. Throw into that a pandemic in which 78% of cohabiting couples saw a change in their sexual activity (and not for the better), and it’s perhaps no wonder that Haynes and Talbot have found a listenership.
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Over tea in the kitchen, I listen to them lovingly bicker over how to heat pastries and I enjoy Haynes’ impressions of her kids pleading to stay up late.īut with devotees come detractors, and, as I’ll find out, some of the pair’s more controversial views have attracted criticism. There is nothing about this conversation that suggests sex, but I don’t doubt it could go that way. That is, after all, one of their key messages: that too many couples wait for the vague and mysterious “mood” to show up, when it is always within their power to have sex, be it before work, once the kids are in bed, or just after a mid-morning croissant on an unseasonably warm autumn Thursday. H aynes and Talbot didn’t mean to record themselves having sex it just sort of happened. “We intended to have sex off the podcast, and then come and talk about it,” says Talbot.
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But that first recording in April 2021 – dreamed up just a few months earlier – “developed its own momentum”, says Haynes, as the talk about sex turned easily to foreplay and then the act itself. Their approach to the podcast’s sex segments is to talk through what they’re doing and how it feels in unflinching detail. Their choice of words ranges from the ethereal (“I see your light shining,” one of them might say as they revel in each other’s “energy” and “aura”), to terms ordinarily censored: “Lacey is tugging on my cock,” Talbot might say or from Haynes: “He’s licking my side pussy.” It is not a podcast to be listened to in public. The listener hears them pant, moan and direct each other to orgasm. In many ways we are living in the age of the overshare, where giving too much information turns ordinary people into viral stars. Indeed, a quick look at the podcast charts makes clear that subjects that were once highly personal (psychotherapy, pregnancy and sex) are driving serious engagement. But even by today’s standard, Lacey and Flynn Have Sex shocks. Not every episode ends in ecstasy, however.